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2002-07-04 - 5:14 p.m.

Lloyd has spent pretty much all day sitting in a box sucking her thumb. It doesn't seem such a bad plan. Last night I got super baked by myself & put in an old Buffy tape, the one with Der Kinderstad or whatever that tusked dude's name is. God. I kept having to check the entire apartment, making sure he wasn't around. The worst part was when Buffy looked in the window, saw him doing his sickfuck bizness, & he looked up & tipped his hat at her, all grinny-tusked. Such formal politeness to someone who you later intend to drill in the face with your pure yellow eyeballs.

Today I alternated cleaning, reading "Running with Scissors" which I'm enjoying even though it's a memoir with some EXTREMELY upsetting elements like a revolting character named Poo, & watching old SNLs on E! I thought I'd seen a lot of original cast episodes, but today I realized they mainly just show the same ones over & over. So I watched many eps I hadn't seen, & I especially enjoyed the lovely Bill Murr. Even Chevy Chase is kind of hotlooking, I'm sorry but it's true. I was as shocked to think it as you are to read it. Once I did a book report on Fletch. Belushi is of course hot, & there's someone else who's hot ONLY IN THESE EARLY ONES & I don't care what you face you make when I tell you it's Al Franken.

I'm sorry, but I can't say that any of the ladies are hot to me at all. Gilda's cute, & Jane is pretty. And I know they all wanted to be rail-thin & that mostly counts them out for me but can I just ask if there wasn't creme rinse back then? Conditioner? Is that fucked up to ask? Probably. Sorry, Gilda. Sorry, Larraine.

I can't watch without thinking about the misogynist atmosphere that I know all the women were working in every day. GOD. Belushi was such a dick in that way & when I see him yelling at Jane Curtin on the news it makes me kind of sick, even though his big "But Nooo" monologues were sometimes funny in content, you know he was loving getting to humiliate her on TV. All because of the big fucking lie that I think 90% of male comedians believe - that women aren't funny. I think that's why SNL in partic was so misog. Because the men couldn't stand the women compromising the quality of the comedy.

I hate them so much.

Please tell me you are watching Sorority Life.

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