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2002-07-02 - 10:00 a.m.

I�m trying to learn some ideas. I wish someone would make me some super delicious pasta. It doesn�t have to be fancy. It can be super quotidian pasta but with some fancy ingreds like gorgonzola. Guess what from the last sentence is the new word I looked up today. I feel like I have so much Spike on the brain. Today I watched a bit of the beginning of Season 3 on tape because I know my friend will want to borrow the tape soon & I wondered how the quality of it was because lately I put on tapes of old things like when Deborah was here we tried to watch Strangers With Candy & the tracking would totally never fix. It was kind of unwatchable. And I bought a Grosse Pointe tape on ebay & it was the same where the tracking wouldn�t fix. And guess what if I�d checked the person�s comments & ratings section or whatever I would have known they have a negative rating & I shouldn�t buy it. Whenever I get on the computer Nick starts screaming from the other room. A scream & a bellow tied together. Anyway I of course got really into that tape & it wasn�t a Spike season, but it was still I was in Sunnydale & then on f/x at 5 & 6 they had the two-part one. You know the one. Buffy�s 17th birthday. YOU KNOW THE ONE. God. it is like the first time they KILLED MY HEART COMPLETELY AND ENTIRELY. And not the last. So, some Spike there. Then I also read a graphic novel today where he was constantly being all dirty with Buffy. And I can�t believe how depressed she is, it�s so interesting to see it on tv not like as a special ep but just how our main lady is. She�s like the most depressed superhero ever. It�s amazing and so great, because tv need to show that depressed people can be completely great & heroes & who wouldn�t be fucking depressed to live under capitalism I mean vampire times. But I also think Nikita was pretty depressed. She really did have a hard time hanging on & was always being mindwashed and drugged. Not by her enemies like Buffy, Scully, Xena, etc. deal with, BUT BY THE VERY SET OF PEOPLE WHO MAKE UP HER WORLD. God. The whole cast of the show, like everyone else in the credits & everything, always doing horrendous stuff to her. I love Alberta Watson for being Madeleine & for being Hedwig�s mom & I know for other stuff I can�t think of. Even for being in Spanking the Monk. Although I didn�t like it one single bit with your creep lover Jeremy Davies constantly looking like he�s prone to the vapors, so pale & moist like one giant underbelly. Wash. Wash. WASH! Don�t just stand outside that shower holding your mom up, GET IN AND USE SHAMPOO. But I do like that Alberta would do a pervy role that most people would be like eew about. I cannot stand that I am out of the celebrity gossip. It sucks. It made me so happy & now have to get my information standing in the line at Jewel. No? god. I�m trying to learn some new ideas. Get me started. I hate when M*A*S*H is on & I�m unable to turn it. god. & I have to suffer through all the �jokes� you wrote. GGGGGGGGODDDDDDDD. Scully at times was definitely depressed. Like I can totally see her trying to diagnose herself too, & maybe she had a therapist who she talked to at home sometimes by phone. But what can she say? �I�m in this relationship�no, he�s..no, we�re not romantically involved. But he�we�re partners. He sometimes calls me up at 3 in the morning & says I have a plane ticket to someplace, & I have to pack WITHOUT KNOWING REALLY WHERE I�M GOING. And I do that.� That is nuts. I have to pretend they�re freedom fighters & then it totally makes sense. Xena depressed, I don�t know. I think Gabrielle helped a lot. I think both of them had dark moments, but neither seemed very depressed. Maybe Ares? Angel & Buffy both beat everyone, though. Angel will just spend a couple decades depressed. Oh � here is my prayer! That Angel comes back with Ewan�s hair. That would be so cute, right? I think? His head isn�t too big for that, is it? What if they did it like Billy Idol�s was when he had that cyber whatever album. Please remember? It was like in weird dreads to the middle of his nose or something? Sorry, cyber dreads. White-blonde cyber-dreads to the middle of his nose. I hated when Tommy Lee would have his hair all in braids. Stoppit. Nick is the big baby of the fucking century. Good lord. You should hear him. I will bend him over & spank him like a bear. Like he�s a grizzly. I spank grizzlies & don�t forget it. Colin Cowie spanks grizzlies. Andrew spanks Colin Cowie. Alan spanks Andrew. Li�l S. spanks Alan. I�m done.

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