2005-03-01 - 10:26 a.m.

I wish Chris Rock lost his voice and could only whisper. Tivo should have a special function for his voice, where it goes automatically to half-volume while he speaks.

The IFC Awards were boring compared to other years. Did you see that one kid who got up and did standup? �The good thing about playing a bully is you don't have to wait in line at Starbucks anymore.� Eew. Sydney thought I was a jerk for hating him so much. She can go see him in concert when he tours. �This is the most famous people I've ever seen under one tent.� Cut to Jeff Bridges roaring his lips off. And the worst, that kid's exit line: �Try the beef, it's great.�

Maybe they'll beg John Waters & Jennifer Tilly to come back. They can co-host. She was awesome when she hosted, I remember a lot of her comments got �ooooh-ed� because they were so pointed & mean.

Saturday night I saw Gore Gore Girls at Subterranean. They made me excited for summer, and rocking the fuck out. Amy Gore has a great evil look, and a burlesque dancer came out & ladyed around the stage. I was by myself and drank a lot of Old Style.

I saw Roseanne on Tavis Smiley's show. I like how he can't really sit still. He was asking her if she ever considered revisiting the Connors family. You know I love her, right? She totally breaks my heart when she's crazy, & also when she's not. Before she even speaks she makes my chest tighten. She said she has thought about it. She said �Well, D.J.'d be in Iraq.� See � there's that not crazy part of her. She also talked about how the Connors now couldn't be as they were, working-class but still able to own a home and save a little money to send kids to college. When I was in high school & my parents and my best friend's parents watched it, I hated it. It felt gross to watch something that was like us. Then when I was in college & involved in this disgusting live-in relationship, one where I found myself in the feminist bookstore searching for a basic definition of �verbal abuse� with my cheeks blazing red and my head whipping around to make sure no one I know saw me near the shelf of the store that was about needing that kind of help, Roseanne became this huge fucking deal for me. Waiting for those 2 daily episodes got me through some shit days. I haven't watched regularly in a couple years, but whenever I do I'm immediately emotionally right there with the episode. If I can help it I never watch anything to do with Dan's heart attack, or stuff after that. Anyway, she's doing standup again, which I'd be into seeing, but I'm sure it's super expens. And she's mostly put her career on hold to parent, oh and also, she is kind of crazy. She spends a lot of time �getting right with god.� Yeah, me too. That's totally what I'm calling getting stoned from now on. I HAVE to do it, I gots to get into heaven.

Prince is on his way to Quentin Crisp.

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