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2004-11-29 - 8:57 p.m.

I saw Blanche & The Kills at the Empty Bottle Saturday night. The Kills were awesome & I liked Blanche. Jack White was there & I feel like he didn't seem that tall to me before he was famous. I decided he had thick flesh implants on the bottoms of his feet to make himself taller. That is what makes the most sense to me. I love that Empty Bottle cat but if I think too much about it I get so sad. Some mean creeps probably go there & aren't nice to her. Although she's pretty not-scared of people.

I was hanging out with this lady who I liked & I had a lot of fun. But one thing I hated was she said she wished she was as skinny as The Kills lady. Um. Have you seen The Kills lady? Good fucking lord. This was on top of bad diet/body talk I've had to hear a lot of at work & I am really so fucking over it. I hate the jokes about "Oh I shouldn't" & so much talk about guilt relating to food, & all that shit & it makes me nuts & I feel like everyone is brainwashed & crazy & people don't even think about saying it, & I just sit around feeling furious & offended & like I have super-weird values. I know it's hard to not have a certain amount of self-hatred when the culture is so profoundly misogynist, but that self-hatred has to be something you talk about in a serious way with your girlfriends working through it because you know it's not how you should feel, & not something you just incorporate into your worldview & make other women listen to as you become an enforcer of those ugly values.

Um. Maybe that's all super vague. Ok I watched some Season 2 Buffy & realized a major reason why Spike is so fucking scary then in a way he wasn't really scary again. He just walked around vamped out. He'd just be walking down the street, with that total fangy grin & his hair so white & his face so white he just looks like a handsome parasite, like something that is all pink, hungry mouth & desire for tearing skin open. Do you like that? I think you like that. Anyway, later on he didn't vamp out as much & he certainly didn't just wear it around as his face. He was a lot vainer. He totally was like a shark in Season 2. A little-eyed shark that you just cannot reason with. Buffy & the Scoobies are like dolphins that circle me & take me to shore. You fucking read about that, right? Those dolphins are awesome. I want to fucking send those dolphins something, like a gift basket. Those dolphins deserve the best. Dolph Lundgren deserves the best.

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