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2004-02-29 - 11:01 p.m.

I was super excited to see the Gossip the other night, & you can�t imagine how many cute ladies there were there. Tons of punk rock women, queer women, fat women. All these ladies to whom the band & especially Beth Ditto mean so much. I ran into a woman I know when I was getting drinks & we�d both seen them before, at different shows, & she said �It�s just awesome to see someone who�s a normal size rocking out on a stage.� Yeah, totally. I liked all the opening bands, especially Hot Machines & Young People. The Gossip came out on stage & Beth was shockingly small. Not skinny, but she clearly had lost a ton of weight. Which is something people always notice, but especially about someone who is a fat activist, & poses fat for On Our Backs & talks about how sexy fat is. So�it was weird, that everyone knew that everyone was looking at her & thinking about her body, or at least all the people who were there who know at all who she is & what she�s about. Everyone cheered a ton & she mentioned that she�d just started her period. People cheered & she was like �No, not yay.� She seemed like she was trying to be up about the show, but really would�ve rather been lying in her bed watching Buffy with her 2 cats next to her & Sydney packing a bowl. What people always want on their period. Next, this super loud man�s voice yells out �BETH, YOU LOOK AWESOME! YOU LOST A SHITLOAD OF WEIGHT!� My brain froze like when there�s violence or blood or something like that in your normal day & you really don�t think you�re seeing it. Like your brain has to be misinterpreting the facts. I looked at the women next to me, & there were some �Fuck you!�s from us, but otherwise it was mostly up to Beth to defend herself. He was on the other side of the stage from me, & I never saw a person, only heard a voice. I feel like as her fans, we failed her. He should�ve been made to leave by the entire crowd. Here is what she said, as best as I can remember: �That is not awesome. That is NOT awesome. And that is not why I look awesome. I can�t believe you said that. I lost a shitload of weight, because I got really sick & couldn�t eat. There is nothing awesome about that. That is so not a compliment. It�s an insult.� People clapped. This is a feminist, queer, fat-pos band. The space should be the same. I am so fucking sick of this shit. In the really recent past we�ve looked to people like Camryn Manheim & Roseanne & even the Two Never Fat Ladies Margaret Cho & Janeane as fat heroes? No. That is retarded & sad. Beth is someone genuinely transgressive because she is genuinely self-loving & is not, as far as I can tell, wrestling with the contradiction of wanting to be herself but also wanting to go make a ton of money & needing to be thin to do it. She�d rather create change in the world than cut off parts of herself. Ugh. What an attack, for her & for all women there. If someone knows who that dude is, I would love to help with a project of making his life hell.

Other things:

Down with ponchos.

When did Robin Williams & Bobcat Goldthwait get married?

I read Steve Almond�s Candyfreak a few weeks ago when I was sick & it was really good. I wish I could give it to Fez, he sure does love candy. But I�m not sure if anyone loves it as much as Steve Almond. He often seems on the verge of passing out from his love of cand. Awesome.

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