2003-01-05 - 3:56 p.m.

The story. Syd, Nina, Jim & I went out for Syd�s birthday. First bowling, then to the bar. There�s an Axl Rose lookalike who lives at the bar. We�ve pretty much all seen him, but Nina never had. We were excited that she�d finally see him, & pointed out that he was right behind her, standing in front of the band rocking out. It�s the same bar band that�s always there, everyone else is at their tables watching the band, he�s the only one who needs to be directly in front of them, ROCKING OUT. You know everything he had on. Bandanna, with hat over it. Leather jacket with a Confederate flag on back. Skintight pants - leather? Jeans? Dunno. Total Axl outfit, as per. So Nina takes a look, & turns back to us with a completely smitten look on her face & says she wants him & asks me for an opening line. I told her to ask if he likes cats. He moves to the back of the bar & she goes back there. I totally didn�t turn around, & was relying on Sydney to give me reports of what was happening. She finally saw her talking to him. A few minutes later, Nina walks back over, beaming, with Axl in tow. He stops directly in front of Sydney & starts singing a G�n�R song. I don�t know what one, I�m going to guess Jungle or Paradise City, I could mainly hear his screeching over the regular band. Sydney is super gracious, smiling & saying thank you like he�d just given her something nice like maybe flowers or a compliment. Nina gives him smitten hugs & he struts away. She sits down & tells. Apparently, she walked up to him & asked if he�d sing her friend a song for her birthday, he said �Let me guess. Guns�n�Roses.� Wow! How could he have known that??? She says yeah, & asks him if he likes cats. He replies that he loves them, & also loves to eat pussy. We were like wow, & Nina says �Yeah! And...we�re a couple? I guess we�re a couple. That�s what he told me. And he asked how I�d feel about being his girlfriend. And named the nights of the week that he�s here.� Ok, so we were all processing this (I�m sorry I keep changing the tense of the story � did it happen or IS IT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? But I can�t help it don�t be mean), while Ax is strutting around clearly GUNNING for Nina�s attench. He circled & made his way back up to the front of the band. A second later, he swooped over to our table, sat down, & started wildly gesticulating while singing something. I had some sort of crisis where I could not look him in the face. I really didn�t want to laugh in his face, I wanted to only laugh at him from afar & not have to deal with him as a real person, so I pretended he wasn�t there & stared at the band playing. If only I wasn�t such a good & sensitive soul, the following part of the story might be just a little clearer. I know he was making really exaggerated movements & could see from the corner of my eye that those who were looking at him were shocked. He went away & I said �Oh. My. God,� to Jim who said something about �I can�t believe he�d come over here with those teeth.� I was so happy that he�d done all that crazy shit right next to Nina with I believe his arm around her, that I told Sydney it was the best night of my life. We talked about other stuff & then left the bar a while later. Nina�s first statement was �I would do him and I will do him.� Next, she asked if we�d seen her make out with him, & was angry that we hadn�t, saying especially to Sydney �I did it for you!� She then said something about his teeth, & I was like �What about his teeth?� & Nina said �You didn�t see them?!?� & made a motion of taking out her teeth & waving them around? I just said no. Ok, the next morning I asked Sydney about the teeth, & she said they were all silver & gold, all of them, & really really scary. I said �Like a cyborg?� �Yes.� At this point, I totally believe he had a mouthful of s&g teeth, that he waved around. This the version that Merritt got. Further research shows discrepancies between Sydney�s & Nina�s accounts of The Teeth � Nina was like �WHAT?� & said he had fake Billy Bob teeth (I�m sorry that term has to come up in my diary) that he wore over to the table to sing in, & then flashed around the table. Ok. So I go back to Sydney with this, & she says �All I know is there was an awful lot of shine coming from that mouth.�

This may not be a great story to you but it is to me. It�s my version of events & I welcome Sydney & Jim contributing any funny shit that I have forgotten.

Other stuff: I had a good New Year�s Eve. I am embarassed if I think too much about being really drunk & playing Cranium & having to act out the words hormone & lowrider. So I just can�t think about it.

Movies I have seen this year are The Hours which I found emotionally devastating & wanted to cry at like I only cry for Buffy, really loud. Gaudy crying. And Adaptation. I LOVE Donald Kaufman. Push in the bush indeed. Also did you read that article on the paper about Chris Cooper & how he�s so shy? I love him! I never pictured him that way. I would write him into a movie if I wrote movies. Maybe there�s a part for him in the Christmas special Andrew insists I make of the Axl story? He could be Jim? We could beef his part up & give him some kind of extra conflict � he could have some connection to Slash? A veteran of the Snakepit?

Last night I got to see my friend Ann who has no salt on her tail.

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