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2002-09-08 - 12:05 a.m.

I got on the wrong plane somehow. It still took me to Jamaica, but I didn't belong on it. Who belonged on it was apparently a humongous football/wrestling team from maybe Idaho like Riley, & their wives/girlfriends who like to kiss them tenderly, benderly, return to senderly. Oh so TENDAH. That is how the couples kissed each other, the one I sat in the aisle with on the way there, & also the ones who I sat in the aisle with on the way back. Yep. On the way there while I was freaking out about everyone being so blonde & beefy & Aryan in that Steve Sanders easily overheated & pink way, & really trying to check on it being some kind of sports team travel group that I shouldn't be traveling with, 2 of the guys were reading. The one in front of me was reading a book called Smackdown or something like that, with 2 wrestlers on the cover, which is fitting because I really think he might have been Butterbean & I considered asking him but couldn't. To my right, a Jimmy Buffett autobiography. So there you go.

I watched some old episodes tonight of Strangers with Candy & Upright Citizens Brigade. Jerri Blank used the term "blue-veined swayback throbber." I might be leaving one part out, I'm not sure. And the UCB made me itch for a hit of superkool.

Americans are embarassing when you're out of the country. Duh. I know you know this. I was sitting at the bar & this huge group came in & it was all straight couples & the men were SO LOUD. And the women were doing their job of giggling at whatever the men bellowed & it went on & on & one dude in a voice like thunder demanded "BRUCE! HAVE WE EVER BEEN HERE BEFORE?" The response was "THE NAME'S CORNHOLIO!!!" If I'd known you & your entire family were going to be there at the same time I was, we could've made plans to meet when you weren't so plastered.

My trip was amazing & I'm only telling the bad things because I guess they're the funny things & they're easier for me to write about. I read that new 2nd book of Buffy essays, "Fighting the Forces", & it was too much to read straight through, but there was some really stuff in there. It made me tear up a LOT. When I say tear up, I mean full-on crying with a lot of Kleenex needed, just so you know. I took a break in the middle & read Haruki Murakami's lovely new book of short stories. Good vacation reading.

The in-flight movie was "About a Boy." Maybe if that dude didn't go to fucking Blockbuster to rent his movies, he could've found better fulfillment in doing that. He had so much $, he could've been doing mail-order from Facets! And he wouldn't have needed to hang around some 12 year old shim to feel good about himself. Toni Collette was beautiful, as per. I actually liked the kid ok too, & was pretty unimpressed with Hugh Grant, but I think that might've been how his character was written. And his hair was just the tiniest bit off maybe?

Ok & the really bad thing about Jamaica is that they're suffering from the lack of tourism. It's no good. I was so often the only person eating at my favorite restaurant there.

While I was on vacay, I had a dream that I went to a big fancy dance with Dave Attell. I wore a sparkly white dress (I KNOW that that is gross, but it was like a Barbie one I had a long time ago & in the dreamworld it was beautiful), & Dave Attell wore dark blue work pants & shirt.

Before I left I rented Dogtown & Z-Boys, which I completely loved! I didn't expect to after seeing Dave Alva channeling Thoth on the Indie Spirit Awards.

Also once while on vacay I found an ENORMOUS dawg in my bathroom, which Sydney keeps saying I found in my bathtub, or in bed with me.

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