2001-12-31 - 11:04 a.m.

I haven't emailed anyone in forev, so hopefully people will read this & pretend it's a personal little email I've written for them. I mean you. Here's what's up:

The new bong is taking up a lot of Syd's & my time & energy. I am thinking I'd like a shower for it, the way people throw "showers" (extortion parties) when they get stupid shit like babies or married. Except this isn't stupid, it is fucking rock. Anyway, the bong isn't named yet & it might take a long time to name it, as I can't even decide on what name I'd like to propose it have so that I can begin working on a formal presentation to Syd, Nick & Lloyd & try to convince them. I think it's name will change a lot. Kind of how Club name changes every month. For this is the way of the stoned.

My mom gave me a gift certif for Targ, for $50. I need new bookshelves bad, but Barbie & Ken Munsters set was on sale for FIFTY SIX DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS. Dude. You know it you know it you know it.

Thanks to Don for sending me my only Xmas card, which I liked a lot. Except I guess you could count the one from my old work which was a hospital, asking for employee contributions! Oh my god, that is offensive. I would contribute my ass for them to kiss except they'd probably steal a chunk of it because they are greedy losahs.

I've watched so many movies...oh, Andrew you should watch "Steal this Movie", the Abbie Hoffman movie. Janeane looks gorgeous in it, & you can kind of pretend the whole movie is one giant weird episode of "Grounded for Life." I saw "America's Sweethearts", which my mom picked at the vid store. There were a couple funny parts (literally like two) & they both involved Seth Green or Chris Walken. There were disconcerting flashbacks of Julia Roberts being "fat". You know I could go all into it but of course she looked a ton better in the flashbacks except just dressed more bashfully with not as good hair. Because FAT PEOPLE CANNOT GROOM THEMSELVES! IT'S TOO HARD TO LIFT OUR ARMS! Good lord, Hollywood - I can't groom myself because I'm stoned all the time, NOT because I'm fat. Such a popular & terrible misconception.

I saw Finding Forrester which is a piece of shit exactly like you think it is. Talented young black men should what? Should find crusty old white men to mentor them? And it's not complete unless there's some sort of hazing of the black man through listening to racist comments? That is a fucking rad idea. Bring it!

Felicia's Journey - his mom was fucking hot.

I just re-read "Holidays On Ice." So good. The very ending of the last one, about her raw head thrown back in laughter. Completely brill, I wish you all hadn't probably read every word of Sedaris there is so I could steal bits.

The dog that worked where I work died.

Friday night, Sydney's birthday, she & I went to see the Dirtbombs. They fucking ruled. Mick was super sexy & kind of made it clear that it was all projected toward me, even though I wasn't right up front or anything & he didn't want to say anything specifically to me or about me, nor does he really "know" me in the traditional sense of being able to distinguish a person in any way from the rest of the earth's population. Anyway, I have a bunch of stuff to say about the band but I think I'll just wait on that. I love their new CD, & I love Mick. One of the dudes in the band made a jokey joke about how he was gonna wear the red pants, but Jack White threatened to sue him. Celebrity Deathmatch!

Last night Syd & I played Scrabble. Do you normally crack 300? It says a good player should easily get in the 300s. I don't know about that. I used the word zenana. I think that's what it was. Something like that. Also I used gnome. Heh. If you know what I mean.

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