2001-11-19 - 11:46 a.m.

Ozzy & Sharon were on Stern. Ozzy was having an allergic reaction to some eye makeup he'd had to wear for an in-store appearance, & Howard asked him what exactly was going on with the eye. "Ah dunno, is turning into a woman's eye!"

Sharon is all thin now, & talked about her stomach surgery. Rubber band around her stomach. They showed old footage of when she was "fat". Of course she looked great in the footage, like a woman who keeps her food down. Now, when she eats too much she throws up. Nice. I don't even know what to say about all that, it's really upsetting.

Ozzy became riled when Sharon asserted that he'd been sleeping when the planes hit on Sept 11. He hollered in his super high pitch of indignation "Ah was not! Ah was doing my crossword!" I LOVE you, Ozzy.

Ozzy claims to not have cheated on Sharon since the 80s. At one point in Japan, he was too wasted to remember Sharon was on tour with him, & brought a groupie back to the room where he & Sharon were staying. Sharon knocked the woman out, & hit Ozzy over the head with a picture frame. When Howard asked why she knocked the woman out, since she probably didn't know he was a married man, Sharon scoffed. "They know. Everyone knows Ozzy is married."

Apparently she normally finds out when he cheats on her because he always confesses. God, of course he does. I totally imagine a whole scene of dramatic fighting, her throwing shit at him & maybe chasing him through the house screaming & trying to kill him & then him crying huge heaving sobs & being held by her & having his hair stroked. Totally like Nick & Lloyd.

At the end, Ozzy got to meet Paul McCartney. I don't care so much about The Beatles, but Ozzy LOVES them. You could tell it was a super big deal for him to meet Paul & he was really nervous & then Paul was kind of a dick. At first he said "Hello darlin'" & they had a hug or something but then didn't reciprocate when Ozzy said he was a big fan. GOD! I'm sure. It made me feel really angry & protective of Oz & like McCartney needs to be brought down a notch or five hundred.

I am so sick of Amy Lynn Penthouse Pet. Every time I watch Howard Stern, I have to see her in that pool. Couldn't there be another ad made with another Penthouse Pet? I can't really remember what the commercial is for, maybe it's super specific to her. It's gotta be for a sexy dirty phone number, right? It's not for like Amy Lynn wigs or whatever. MAKE A NEW COMMERCIAL.

Lucy Lawless was on Kilby last night, saying the word vagina about a thousand times. The only good thing I can really say about her interactions with him is that at least it wasn't Leno.

I met Rita Rudner this week in the store where I work. She sure loves dogs.

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