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2001-04-27 - 12:47 p.m.

Wednesday I went to the Sec of State's office to get a new state ID, since California Clipper & Underground Lounge door dudes both gave me trouble at the door for my expired one. I hate trouble, especially when I'm not even in the bar yet. So I went to the far away Sec of State that's open til 7pm on Wednesdays, & it was such a gross, racist place. Almost everyone else in line spoke only Spanish. Do you think there was one person working there who spoke Spanish? Not that I encountered. They just yelled over & over in really loud English "DO YOU WANT TO BE AN ORGAN DONOR????" "IS YOUR LAST NAME DELEON OR GONZALEZ???" All like they are so disgusted with the person. How difficult would it be to hire Spanish speakers? Or even to have a card where they could point to the questions in Spanish? God, at the LEAST, that. Mine went really fast of course, since I speak English & therefore didn't warrant being yelled at. Man, I hated those fuckers. Elston & Foster, if you want to go picket for them to hire a translator. Every single person who ever has to go to Sec of State would have a faster & easier time, if they would take even minor steps toward acknowledging that their clientele mostly speak Spanish.

So after that, I went to hear Margaret Cho read from her new book at the Swedish Museum. She was so beautiful & funny. It was the first stop on her book tour, & people laughed constantly through her entire reading. It's a really funny book. A lot of it I've heard in her standup, but she goes deeper into all of it. It's not at all like you feel you've heard it all aready. Her main advice for young artists was to honor your desire, above all else. If I honored my desire completely, I think I would've stolen her shoes. They were amazing bondage-style Fluevogs. I told her I wanted them when she signed my book & she said "Aren't they amazing?" & pulled up her pant leg so I could see all the whole shoe. She then said "They are the most agonizing shoes I have ever worn, & I wear painful shoes. I've had them on since 6am." Wow. I don't think I can wear them.

So that was awesome. And I can't stress enough how personable & gracious she was, how she put her arm around every single person who wanted their picture taken, & chatted with everyone for as long as they wanted, & said "I am so here for you, ask me anything" before the Q&A session, & you could tell she really meant it. I love that Margaret Cho. Oh, & she had on a sexy cream colored top with straps made of black lace & the top was all open so you could see her black lace bra. She looked stunning. So that is exactly what I wore today to work. Ok I didn't, but if I were going to today would be a good day, since I've only spilled coffee on myself twice today. Pretty sexay.....

Last thing. The Blockbuster Awards infuriated me for a bunch of reasons I can't remember. However, Sydney was kind enough to write me the next day & remind me of something that made me want to end my life immediately when I saw it. The email's been sitting in my inbox until I could remember to write about it. Ok, N'Sync was answering questions for the press or something, & someone said something about .... god, I'm sorry. I can't even remember the set-up for this horror story. Someone asked something about buns. It wasn't dirty yet, as I recall. Just something. & Chris from N'Sync, who is the Monchichi-type one that had that crazy waterfall hair with the string woven through it in the beginning of their career, put his award down in front of where his peiner would be, & said "I've got the beef baby, you just bring the buns" & made some sort of thrusting motion? Like, he's fucking the Blockbuster award? The other 2 dudes from his band both did that retarded "Oh, SHIT, dude!" laugh that dudes do.

I'm sorry, I don't think I explained it right. It's just as well, because it would ruin your day if it did. It nearly ruined my life.

OK, UPDATE - Sydney wrote me an email containing some info that might clear things up a bit: "ok, what happened at the blockbuster awards was that they went to that back room and i can't remember who the hosts were, but they were giving all of the winners a george foreman grill, and that's how the whole hotdog thing got started. chris was humping the grill, not the award."

I think I should be a reporter. The Stoned Reporter. I am good at bringing you the whole story.

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