2001-01-24 - 17:28:10

Yi Yi - I feel like I should've loved it. I liked parts of it a lot. But that little kid. God. Pain in my ass.

Live Nude Girls Unite - I LOVED it. There's a link on dirtynerdluv pita page to the official website. GO TO IT! These ladies totally kick ass.

This past weekend I spent in San Francisco visiting Ann, aka Littel Brownie, & Greg, aka DownLow. And their cats Gimlet & Mr. Pink, aka The Dirty Brothers. Because they are brothers, & they are sooooo dirty. They arrange themselves into one big Pile of Dirty Brotherness. Mmmm.

We did a lot of fun things like see the above movies, tons of shopping, saw the ocean & this awesome old arcade with my double the Giant Laughing Lady, lots of GOOD eating especially at this German place with soft wooden tables & squash soup, but the best fun was the game. The game which is called....you get this, but then you have to get this too. Or maybe it's called....is something really good & dirty worth something else really bad & dirty? Or....I don't know. Here were some of the scenarios that you can think about, & if you want, write me & say yes or no by number. I have to give credit to Ann for thinking up most of them. She is one terrible Littel Brownie.

1. You get to be John Waters' personal assistant on a movie. You don't really have to work, just hang around him. The thing is (THAT is the name of the game - The Thing Is), you have to room with Jackie the Jokeman from Howard Stern, the entire time. Do you do it? After I said yes, it was clarified for me that we'd be sharing a BED, that Jackie sleeps NUDE, and that he is forever SPRAWLED OUT. I'd just sleep on the floor, or when he's taping his show. And I'd have my own set of sheets that I put on & took off the bed every time I slept.

2. You get to spend an evening getting really high with Buffy & Willow. You get along well, & it is super fun. The thing is, at some point during the night you're gonna have to pee. You wander around to try & find the bathroom, & you walk in on Robin Williams. You turn around to leave, and the FURTHER thing is, that the door closes & locks. He says "I've been trying to get out of here for hours." The final & most horrid thing is, it smells....not so good. Is it worth the earlier part of the evening w/Will & Buff?

3. You have a month-long, super intense, sexy love affair with Jason Schwartzmann. The thing is, there's some sort of accident at the New York Times that no one is ever able to give any sort of explanation to, that results in the entire upper half of the front page being a really close up picture of your face, accompanied by a huge headline proclaiming "FARTS RULE!" The next day, there are huge apologies to you in the paper. Your relationship with Max Fischer does not end because of the picture, it's just something that is going to happen to you if you choose the relationship with him. Do you date him? I thought of this one. I hope so much that it doesn't ever happen to me.

4. You have a super intense sexy love affair with Lucy Lawless. You are both totally in love. It's a big scandal because she has a husband & kid. She stays in love with you & you are very happy together, but the thing is, Will Ferrell plays you on SNL, & you become a regular character, much like his Janet Reno. NO.

5. You have a year's supply of pot, but you ALWAYS have to smoke it with Tom Hanks. I think Greg asked me this. I think I say yes.

6. This was one from me that I thought wasn't such a bad thing, but I was met with vehement no's. You get a super fancy, nice home theater. The thing is, all summer, exactly 8 Saturday nights in a row, Tom Hanks comes over & makes you do coke with him.

If you're wondering about the theme, you must not've seen the Golden Globes, & how he was acting. Simmer down, Hankerchief!

Oh, and this one that Greg asked me, but which doesn't really follow the rules of the game: Jack Black wants you to be his girlfriend & date him, but the thing is he wants to go on Temptation Island together. "The thing" is supposed to be bad! Instead, the thing RULEZ. An unqualified "YES, please!"

I'm adding this one from Ann which I forgot: You get to go on a 6 month sexy vacation with Willem Dafoe. He is WAITING for you. The thing is, he's waiting for you in Hong Kong, & you have to take a plane that has 400 children & babies on it. And you. You're the only real person. UGH. I hate it. 400? That is ridiculous.

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