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2000-09-11 - 17:20:55

I have not updated in so long. You must be starving. Starvola. You look so skinny & malnourished. You need to fatten up on


Ok, I went to Jamaica & it was totally lovely. Sydney & I have now been there 4 times. Too cool for school, we are. Erin went this year. We had big gin rummy tournaments. I got a nickname that had something to do with always having the aces. I don't remember what it was, but when I do I'm having it shaved into my hair. There are a lot of ridiculous things I could tell about, like our cabdriver who seemed to think we were big music execs & he should try out his dj skills on us. I don't mean dj like cool. I mean dj like radio dj, like he kept referring to the "song coming up next", just doing his in between song spiels over & over. Using what Sydney quite accurately pointed out was a very tricky A-A-A-A rhyme pattern. Can't go wrong with that.

What else. I am tan as the leather coat of your mustached uncle.

I don't know.

I don't even have time to write about the VMAs, & then the Emmys happen last night! Good lord. Kelsey Grammer is my worst frightmare. The most stunning ladies at the VMAs were Eve & Macy Gray. The most stunning ladies at the Emmys were Julianna Margulies, Kim Cattrall, Edie Falco, and....I think there were a lot, I just forget. OH! Karen from Will & Grace. Wow! It was the queer Emmys. I loved it. It was like Queer Nation took over. Ok, not really because it wasn't particularly POLITICAL or anything, but still. Will & Grace & Eddie Izzard & that Malcolm in the Middle guy with the horrendous hair who kissed his boyfriend. It shouldn't be so exciting to see open gayness & love of gayness at such an event, but it is.

This is what I asked Sydney the other day - If you gave James Spader a really awesome script, with all A-list co-stars, & a completely followable & believable plot, would he even look at it? Or would he just smile at you gently & say "Uh, thanks but no thanks...I've got this AWESOME erotic time traveling cyborg thriller I'm working on with Grieco, so....maybe next time with that."

I watched 3 movies this weekend: "Hide & Seek", "Holy Smoke", & "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane". "Hide & Seek" is the one I'd like to warn you about. Maybe the very reason that I can make extended Spader jokes that amuse pretty much just me, can be traced to a certain bad habit of mine that I really thought I'd taken care of by staying out of Blockbuster. I rent bad straight-to-video movies, knowing full well that they are going to be terrible & stretch 100 minutes into what feels like 10 hours, because they always have one person in them that I NEED to see. Blockbuster specializes in these suckfests, & since I'm at the point where I pretty much refuse to even look at a Blockbuster, I've been safe for a while. But Friday afternoon I walked into my incredible neighborhood video store, marched right past the wonderful foreign, indie, cult, gay, & classic sections, didn't even look at the Great Directors where I could find Jarmusch & Cassavetes, & straight to a glowing box on the new releases wall. The glow of Gallo & Tilly blinded me to all the boxes of greatness around me. Nothing could be greater than Gallo! Just ask him. Um...you know the movie sucked. It was so terrible. Gallo & Tilly kidnapped Daryl Hannah to make her have their baby. Sydney & I agreed we'd probably kidnap someone in like their eighth month, & not their first so you have to keep them locked in the basement for all 9 months. That doesn't even make sense. We basically fast forwarded through anything that didn't have Jennifer Tilly in it. She was really funny & got to be psycho & wear cute outfits. Gallo grossed me out, bigtime. There is a chapter in the book "Cunt" that I've also seen reproduced as a separate manifesto thing, where Inga Muscio is saying women need to just refuse to do any more rape scenes in movies because they're gross & we've seen enough. Um, how about if we call on MEN to refuse to take roles where they have to act out being rapists? I am disgusted with Gallo for being in that movie, & playing that part. I know I will love Buffalo 66 forever & ever, but between this movie & "Freeway 2" (which I unfortunately ALSO rented, Gallo & Natasha Lyonne both being in it, & which now makes me want to put a hot iron to my brain & melt away whichever part contains my memories of that piece of shit film), I don't know about Gallo. I don't know if Gallo is welcome in my home, I don't know if I would let Gallo take Sydney on a date. I just don't know. He has a lot of explaining to do.

There is this woman at work who hates me & won't speak to me. Whatev. I mostly never even think about it. But I had this dream last night that all of a sudden I was standing in front of her saying "I made this for you." I opened up this sheet of paper & I'd written some sort of fancy reminder note for her to watch the TV show "Jack & Jill" tonight. Only, it said "WATCH '& JILL' TONIGHT!" I cannot stand that in my dream, I'd abbreviate the show to "and jill". I can't stand that I'd even think about it. Is it still on? It's a real show, right? Anyway, in the dream, I realized how majorly retarded I looked as she was starting disgustedly at me, so I smoothly covered with "I mean.......can I borrow your purple marker?"

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