2002-12-27 - 9:02 a.m.

I definitely have had a kitty-themed Christmas. It doesn�t get much better. Kitty bag, kitty alarm clock, kitty tin, hello kitty bubble bath, kitty socks, & from Deborah, hand-embroidered kitty pillowcases. Amazing. Other handmade gifts included lip balm from Merritt which was awesome because I STILL haven�t bought any this winter & are my dawgs barkin', & an incredible GLITTERY BUFFY PURSE that Corrie made. Wow. Dawgs aren't lips though are they. And Patti Smith CDs, & a Shag calendar, & your boyfriend The Master action figure, & unicorn stickers, & �All About All About Eve�, & Too Faced SEXY lip gloss, & a Divine ashtray, & chocolates, & an I Love Lucy Barbie, & yeah. Lots of stuff. Certainly I�m forgetting things. The best part was 2 parties of ladies, & family time. Lots of Scrabble with my mom, & I have one little kid in my family with whom I have to interact who kept yelling �PAM�S SHAKING HER BUTT AT ME!� which I totally was & it made him so mad & he got in trouble for yelling. Because who�s going to take on me & my butt. You? You should try that trick on whoever you hate at work. And I went to Merritt�s & saw the ladies & man did I get drunk, & wasn�t even hungover, I think because we drank good beer! My Budweiser days may be over, I totally didn't know not feeling like hell was an option. I remember Sydney & I hunched over some defenseless pistachios, tearing them open at great speed & eating them up like it was personal. They really were like the best thing I�d ever tasted. I was high too. And Merritt lays out a kickass spread, if you understand what it is I�m saying exactly. Sweet, savory, & salty all nicely represented. And she had one of those long skinny dishes that are just for putting olives in, & it was totally full of olives. Also her apartment is the cutest, & things on the walls are framed, & it was the first time I�d been there for a long amount of time, & it was so fun & nice. Um & be careful because she will keep trying to move the whole party to the sauna. What else. My mom & my grandma were discussing the weather & my mom said �When I was shoveling snow today I just had on a short-sleeved shirt & sweatshirt� & I said �You didn�t wear any pants? God.� & I still can think about it right now & start laughing. That was a good one. Movies I watched were Men in Black 2 which is your mom. Panic Room which rekindled my love of Forrest Whitaker & your love of Jared Cornholio Leto. By Hook or By Crook which I have seen written up in Girlfriends & Curve & all those les mags lately & been wanting to see & of course it�s on Sundance which, yay, but god why no theatrical distrib. I really liked it. And also part of Bedazzled with Fraser & Hurley. My. God. Such a WASTE. I thought I�d be pissed at him, but really she is who sucked. GOD. Hate hate hate her so. Then today I breezed into the Detroit airport with the coolness of a tard, having no wallet on me at all. My mom brought it to me & they gave me a later flight. Last night I watched some episodes of Cheers with my mom & Frasier�s hair was disgustingly silky & in the most fucked up shape, & I realized that for that while some time ago that it was tight curls, I just accepted that he had curly hair but really he was getting that bit in back permed. Or else back in the day, he was getting that bit in back blown out. Either way, my soul recoils.

Honestly, & this is always true & I always want to say it, the very best stories that would make you laugh the hardest are ones I don�t feel like I can tell.

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