2002-07-15 - 10:52 a.m.

Saturday night Chris brought Nicky a bunch of catnip she grew. He had it in the middle of the living room floor & it was an enormous amount, like a huge branch of pot you'd get in Jamaica. Cut to last night, he's been grazing on it for the last 24 hours. Syd & I are each lying on a couch hungry & unable to do much about it. I'm obsessed with the idea of peanut butter waffles & can't stop talking about it. We need food but have been getting high all day & can't really move. We look down at Nicky & he is doing strange rolls around the floor, alternately babyish & angry, & his entire body is covered with bits of nip. Roll, roll, roll. Crazyeye, dope-studded fur. It was a nice little mirror & it kind of motivated me to get up & go. We went to the store to get stuff for dinner. My purchases included Nutter Butters, cottage cheese, frozen egg rolls, & a rotisserie chicken. I thought for sure I'd be able to systematically eat all of it over the course of the evening, but I couldn't even get through the chicken.

Poor Nicky just get dry food & a milk ring for excitement when he's stoned.

I finally watched the Playmate special. It was almost too painful to watch the entire thing. From nearly the first moment, people were talking about how there were head games being played. I don't understand. What kind? This was never gone into, really. And ok, the woman of color who was disappointed that she couldn't prove everyone wrong that it had to be a total Aryan who'd win, wasn't looking at the whole picture. I mean, yeah the woman who won looked quite literally like a Barbie, but it's not like she didn't have her own obstacles to overcome that lent a real poignancy to the victory. In fact, 2 very large obstacles. Humongous, natural, tits. After hearing the many tearful phone calls to her mother, "What's wrong?" "None..of the clothes...fit...GUESS WHY...my BOOBS mom...", who could begrudge this woman her moment of glory? This was a victory for all of us who've ever called our moms to sob about our big tits. Ok, so it's on my list of things to do really soon.

Other good things:

When they'd discuss someone being "classy" or not

Hef's constant proclamations of love for the entire group, & his assurances that this was a big adventure, they'd have lots of adventures, & the winner was only at the beginning of a grand adventure

The fact that besides figuring out if Hef was in the scene I can barely differentiate what I saw on the Playmate special & what I saw a few hours later on Sorority Life. I swear to god there are some curly blonde heads that were on both, expressing each thought through horribly mangled cliches.

Last thing - I go to Landmark Century Cinema so often, I feel like I could act out their previews for you in a quite energetic one-woman show. Most exciting are Notorious C.H.O. where that Asian tranny saying "She's the closest thing I have to an Asian role model" totally makes me tear up, & "Gangster Number One" which looks like the shit. What I am NOT so into is fucking "Dahmer." Enuff z'nuff, ok? It fucking offends me. One time I read this poem about how the gay black community was completely terrorized by the killings, & how the media didn't ever convey that he preyed upon this specific group. I wouldn't have known besides this poem. I did read one thing in the Advocate the other day that mentions him going after blacks & Asians & that the movie implies his racism or something like that. Anyway, I don't see much in the preview to make me expect that the movie does justice to what he did to this community. Like how Summer of Sam showed that all women were victimized & having to think of their own survival each & every night. Will "Dahmer" do this? Doesn't look like it. Makes me sick & angry.

Nick & Lloyd stop the world & melt with each other every single day.

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