2001-12-12 - 11:26 a.m.

The way that Nick acts when he's lying in the sun is completely ridiculous. It's like he leads a life on the stage, & every gesture has to be grand enough to be seen from the back of the always full house. One paw thrown across his forehead, one tooth hanging slightly out of his delicious & naughty lips.

Sometimes I realize I haven't been around dogs or kids in a really long time, & I wonder if the way I always think of myself hating them is just really reactionary & deliberately contrary. Then of course one will be around & I re-confirm all of it. At my current job I never find myself experiencing this self-doubt, as there is constantly one around from one of those categories. My god. I feel like an alien, everyone will be talking about this kid that is standing there drooling freely with vacant eyes & they are smiling like it's this miracle before us. Um? I just don't get it & I get annoyed that working in a FEMINIST bookstore I sometimes am made to feel wronger than ever that the cultural construction referred to as "maternal instinct" just kind of passed me by. Maternal instinct? Like we're cows or whales or birds or something? Ugh.

I don't really feel like I'm wrong, I just don't feel at liberty to be super open about it.

The Strokes would never want me to direct their videos, they'd all just be making out with each other all the time & re-enacting those shag carpet basement underwear porn commercials that were pulled from the air.

The 10th was Ida-Red's birthday - did you send her greetings?

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