2001-01-10 - 17:44:01

Last night I was watching the new Sade video. I love it. I love her soooo much. I wish I still had all the photos & articles I collected about her when I was like 14. So, I'm thinking about the lyrics "you think i'd leave your side baby/you know me better than that/you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees/i wouldn't do that" & while I was loving the song & the video, I had this automatic reaction that I have a lot, where the words are beautiful & I'm very moved & everything, but we all know there's always something sick about a love song. Right? Like, the emotion of love has to be ALL-consuming, & the song has to be reassuring you that you're everything, & the speaker would go to the ends of the earth for you, & all that. On Xena or Buffy, I love this kind of relationship & it makes me cry. When I see it in real life, I contemplate an intervention. So, I'm thinking this & then I started thinking of the words as not a romantic love song, but words that could accurately describe my friendships. Like, if I thought of these lyrics as applied to Dave, & our relationship. The song sounded all different to me, and all the compromising sickness of it went away. And I didn't feel anymore like I was in loving this song loving a set of promises, or a thesis, that is really a bunch of lies & fairy tales; & in some ways backwards for giving you something to chase that doesn't exist. After that, I started thinking about Xena & Gabrielle & how I've always considered people who argue against the subtext to be totally reactionary & anti-gay & pigs. It made me wonder if there are people who just want the relationship to be believable & relevant to their lives, & want to see a loving best friend relationship that these women have constructed their lives around, instead of the same tired One True Significant Other That Fulfills propaganda that is so fucking damaging, & so fucking everywhere, & so unchallenged. Romance brings fuckedupness. Love songs & love stories are scary, always with dark parts & shadows. Anyway, I still think the anti-subtext shit is MOSTLY just anti-gay, but I'd never thought of it as potentially kind of progressive before. All that is just what I thought about while I was stoned last night.

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